Interview with the original T-Rex on returning to the Jurassic World

Quack Reactor
If some of you haven’t heard, the original Tyrannosaurus Rex from the 1994 movie, Jurassic Park, is making her return to the spotlight. It’s been almost 20 years since the original movie’s release and she’s finally going to show how much she’s grown since her fantastic escape from John Hammond’s compound. We were lucky enough to catch up to her and get an exclusive interview on how she felt about her return.

Mind The Teeth: Fossils indicate that Tyrannosaurus rex was an active hunter, in addition to being a scavenger. And in Jurassic Park, it also had a sweet tooth for lawyers.

Action shot of Ms. Rex in her Jurassic Park film debut

Nerd Reactor: Hello, Ms. Rex. It’s quite an honor to have us interview you in your summer home here in Hawaii.

T-Rex: No problem at all, you know I haven’t gotten much visitors as of late. Don’t know why. The weather’s great here.”

NR: So how does it feel to be back in the limelight? You had such a powerful performance in the original Jurassic Park movie, especially that defining roar of dominance at the end. With that roar, you expressed that you truly are the king of the park. Well, in your case, queen of the park?

T-Rex: [chuckles] You know, that was completely improvised. After I threw down the velociraptor stunt double into the fake bones, I was thinking of tail swiping the lower area first then roar to the right side of the shot. In the end I just decided to let out the best roar I could. You know that was only one take? Also, don’t ask me how they got my large ass inside that building. [exhales] I need to go on a diet.

NR: That’s amazing! We’ve seen some of the shots with you in Jurassic World. You still look like you were in great shape! Tell us how you prepared for your glorious comeback.

T-Rex: Since I’m not allowed to spoil anything from the movie, I will say that I went on a strict diet of lean meats and vegetables. I couldn’t eat chicken everyday, but if it’s on top of rice? Are you kidding me? [smacks lips in hunger]

NR: Wait, what? You eat vegetables? I thought Tyrannosaurus only ate meat? I mean you do have large pointy teeth for that, correct?

T-Rex: Whoa, there. That’s a bit stereotypical and almost borderline specie-ism. Just because we have large teeth and are designed to eat meat, doesn’t mean we always eat meat. How would you feel if I said that all you ate was rice because you’re Asian? Not cool. [adjusts uncomfortably in her chair and looks at publicist]

NR: Touché, Ms. Rex. I apologize. Let’s move on then. How was it working with Chris Pratt, and do you see yourself in further installments of the Jurassic series if they do decide to continue in that venture?

T-Rex: I don’t know what their plans are for the franchise, but I’m totally open for another go on-screen. Also, Pratty was an absolute DOLL on set. He is such a handsome man, I could just eat him up!

NR: Uhhhhh-

T-Rex: No, not that way. I’m not into eating my co-actors. This is strike two for you now. Do you think I’m some sort of untamed man-eating wild animal? What the f*** do you think I do in my spare time? Eat people and terrorize villages? You’re starting to annoy me.

NR: No, no, I mean it’s just so hard since you’re such an intimidating creature on camera. It’s just that it’s been bread into everyone’s minds that you’re this thing, you know? This unstoppable for-

T-Rex: Strike three, honey. I’m going to stop you right there and say that if I wasn’t in a good mood today, I’d tear off your leg, eat it, shit it out, and then use that leg to kick your own ass with it. Get out. [spits lemonade and bits of meat at my face]

End of Interview

Talk about grouchy! It’s not like we’re the only people that would assume she ate meat only. Some people nowadays are too damned sensitive. In any case, we’re just glad that Jurassic World is coming to theaters soon. As for Ms. T-Rex here, let’s hope she gets a send off by Insidious Rex in the movie.

Quack Reactor is a satirical segment on Nerd Reactor.

Facebook Comments