We Interview Modern Amazons about Wonder Woman

The movie Wonder Woman will be releasing to theaters very soon, but it’s currently getting a lot of flak lately. Apparently, there was some outcry against the portrayal of Diana’s armpits not being accurate enough to that of a true Amazonian female. Because you know, the people complaining were actually alive when Amazons were around. However, that’s not the point we’re trying to get at. We did our own investigation and it looks like there’s more to Amazons than what we know.

Our Nerd Reactor team searched high and low for information about Amazons and how they used to look and we ran into an interesting group known as WoFAM. They’re better known as Women for Amazonian Masterhood and they had a lot of things to say about Wonder Woman and the people complaining about it.

Nerd Reactor Interviews WoFAM

Nerd Reactor: So how long has your group been around actually?

WoFAM: First of all, you’re a male. We’re doing this interview out of courtesy in getting our voices heard out there. So don’t expect anything more than this interview out of us. We’re not here for you to ogle at.

Fair enough. However, trust us, we’re not ogling…

One of our members, Brenda, says you were staring at her earlier!

That’s because she has one of her breasts exposed to the open air! It’s pretty damned chilly out right now, you know?!

Have you never seen breasts before? That’s what ancient Amazons did! They had one bare breast exposed! What are you, a virgin?

Wtf? This has nothing to do with anything! Can we just get on with the interview? Anyways, since your group seems to be focused on Amazonian beliefs, what do you think about the movie Wonder Woman?

Complete and utter garbage. Gal Gadot couldn’t carry my chamber pot even if she wanted to.

Your chamber pot? What?

Her moves are WEAK. One thing we at WoFAM agree on is that her armpit hair needs to be longer and more coarse. That shows she’s been working a long hard life like us out in the fields! Look at my armpit hair! You see that? That’s years of not shaving it and it’s now all natural. Wonder Woman needs to be near or around this!

Could you lower your arm now?

You have no power over me, male! In addition to our thoughts on that garbage movie, Diana needs to be thicker and heavier. Gal Gadot may have worked out from initially looking like a twig to a now more muscular twig, but she needs more muscle on that body. You know? Like weightlifter muscles! Also, one of her breasts should be exposed to the elements at all times. Her dress is also garbage! What Amazon woman wears a skirt that short to battle?! She should be wearing a battle dress that covers and protects her upper thighs! We also can’t believe there’s a love story in there! How filthy! Males are only used for breeding and that’s it. Emotions are out of the question.

Going back on that breast thing… is that why your friend Brenda…err wait…isn’t all of this just body shaming? I mean yes we understand that movies need to look like the characters they’re depicting but come on. Isn’t this a little too much? I mean, after all, it’s just a movie for entertainment, right?

What don’t you get, male? Are you an Amazon? Do you have a vagina? Do you have breasts? Have you hunted elk with a bow and arrow and feasted on its meat?

Um, we buy our meat from the grocery store nowadays so…

Shut up! Going to the grocery store is for virgins like yourself! You must hunt with your bare hands!

What’s with the labeling? Aren’t Amazonian females supposed to be virgins too?

Shut it, male! No one wants to hear your blabbering about virginity, you virgin.

Okay…moving on. What do you want the world to say or know about WoFAM?

We have one thing to say and that ALL YOUR MOVES ARE WEAK. All of them. All the women in those movies aren’t women. They are pansies and can’t take care of themselves. I mean look at Brenda over there! She’s already done 30 pushups in the last 10 seconds. Can you do that? Probably not because you’re a virgin. WoFAM will bring our Amazonian Masterhood to power very soon! Mark our words!

Alrighty, thanks for the interview. Oh, and I think your Uber is here.

You’re welcome, male. Oh, and do you have change for a $20? We’re going to the casino later.

Uh, no, we don’t.

Typical. Males always let you down.

What.

Source: www.WoFAM.com

 

 

 

***Quack Reactor is a satirical segment on Nerd Reactor.***

About author

Alger Alama
Alger Alama 316 posts

Highly sociable and having been entrenched in Nerd\Geekdom since he was a kid, Alger has seen it all. During his spare time he loves to go out clubbing, sing karaoke, and attend parties. This Nerd is no wallflower. He'll always greet you with a warm smile and a drink in hand.

  • Achirae

    Was that for real…?

    And as for you whiners complaining about Wonder Woman’s ARMPIT HAIR!!! Get over yourself! Stop looking for things to complain about! There are enough actual problems in the world that better deserve your complaint than this! And who are you to say if Wonder Woman’s pits should be shaved or not? It’s her gods-damn body, and her gods-damn choice! Maybe the hair was too itchy for her? Maybe it makes her feel more feminine? Maybe it got burned off during training? Who knows? WHO CARES???

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