NR Contest: CEO of an evil organization

Posted 4:57 pm on Wednesday, October 3rd, 2012 by John 'Spartan' Nguyen

You’re the CEO of an evil organization. The public thinks your organization is a godsend, but behind closed doors, you’re up to no good.

In the comment section below, let us know the name of your evil organization, what your fake business does to fool the public, and what the organization actually does.

Nerdoh is sponsoring this contest where the winner can choose any t-shirt that’s available on their site. I will be choosing 3 winners. The funnier the comment, the better.

Contest ends on October 17th at 11:59 PM PST. U.S. residence only. No PO Box.

John “Spartan” Nguyen

John “Spartan” Nguyen is the editor-in-chief at Nerd Reactor and is based in Orange County, CA. He is a graphic designer and illustrator.

Meet the Nerd Reactor Team

Guest

We are Authoricorp and we make apple pie and little American flags, but our evil plot involve funding tween romance movies that ruin popular monsters.
Agt_Pendergast

We are Authoricorp, and we make apple pie and little American flags. But our evil plan involves funding tween romance movies that ruin popular monsters!
http://www.facebook.com/luke.caulfield.737 Luke Caulfield

Marmalade Sally United.

We make various flavors of marmalade, but use congealed human remains to create the proper consistency. Think if Lloyd Kaufman made Soylent Green with a dash of Fight Club.
http://www.facebook.com/FearHimself Michael Jean-Francois

My company would be Nerd Reactor…. [No relations] We’d be pro everything NERDY. Games, movies, anime, etc. But secretly… We’re placing genetically enhance prepubescent boys in on-line multiplayer lobbies. With a specific vocal range pitch to drive you crazy. We’ve trained them in the fine art of “annoyance” and back talk. Our plan is to have at least 3 in EVERY lobby by 2014. Project “Noob Tuber” was a nominal success.
- Agt_Pendergast
  
  You diabolical bastard!
  - http://www.facebook.com/FearHimself Michael Jean-Francois
    
    More 12yo boys with high pitched voices in the lobby you ask? Sure! Muhahahaaaa-Wahahaaa…..Ha!
http://www.facebook.com/themeandm Jason Miltenberger

Sockcon

We are the umbrella corporation that owns all sock manufacturing corporations, and their related entities. While our underling corporations actually manufacture and market socks for sale, Sockcon is staffed by malicious and malevolent demons from another dimension. The employees of Sockcon are invisible to normal human vision, and only appear under 2 unique circumstances: when the wash machine cycle has reached “Spin” or when the Dryer temperature has reached 100+ degrees F. That is when the agents of Sockcon materialize and steal one sock out of each pair of socks that are being laundered. You keep washing and we’ll keep stealing. Thank you for your continued patronage to Sockcon.
http://twitter.com/oasis789 oasis789

My evil company is Fox. I produce great scifi tv series that get nerds hooked. And then I cancel them, breaking their little hearts forever.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Mark-Poynter/100001580295134 Mark Poynter

Des Pair – Technology Company that provides all the behind the scenes mapping used by every cell phone, GPS, and Direction maker on the Internet. We selectively screw up the mapping directions only when it matters most. On your way to a job interview? We’ll get you there, after taking you thorough a frustrating, rage inducing route filled with construction, dead end, and one way streets. All the while clearing the way for jerks and pop star celebrities so they can continue to erode the culture and sophistication of our world.

Our Corporate Tag Line: “We’ll get you there..”
(That extra period is actually small script that says, “When we damn well want you to get there.”)
kevin

Square Enix is the name of my company. We create amazing IPs to get the public hooked and then we abandon them or let them fall in disrepair.
http://www.facebook.com/spoonywan Steve Spoony-Wan Noonan

My company is called Apple……………..that is all
patryk

“Regenisis” for a better tomorrow. The world thinks we offer them extended life and we do, but using parts from other people whom we harvest for parts.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Cesar-Godinez/100001369446145 Cesar Godinez

Goscon

We help by cleaning the earth in certain locations making the old and dirty become new again. But what we actually do is collect oil we are the cause of the soaring gas prices which will be at over $15 a gallon by 2015. We have more oil than we say we do but like the money that we get from everybody so why share the truth. Hope you can afford the gas we provide, but if you cant oh well i guess your just too poor. Maniacal Laugh, Maniacal Laugh, Maniacal Laugh
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1278934859 John Simcoe

Greetings from the Parker Paper Clip Corporation, your resource for office supplies anywhere and anytime!
If you need a ream of paper delivered to Antarctica, we’re the ones for the job. If the copier goes on the fritz deep inside the bowels of NORAD, we’re your Johnny-On-The-Spot techs! Need some thumbtacks on your next deep-sea dive as you hunt for sunken treasure? Call us! And of course, you would be stunned by our wide selection of Parker Paper Clips. Any shape, any size!
Please ignore the rumors that abound. We here at PPCCo promise you that we are not in anyway involved in industrial espionage, gene manipulation, zombie creation, reverse engineering of alien spacecraft or even arms smuggling.
It should also be stated that despite those YouTube videos you’ve seen our board of directors is NOT involved in demon worship of any kind. They were just practicing for a play.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Dacey-Booker/1492746008 Dacey Booker

Yule Bowl Inc. Every holiday season, people make Christmas cookies. The problem, of course, is that you need a bowl to put them in. Fortunately, that’s where Yule Bowl’s Yule Bowls come in. They offer a festive assortment of bowls made just for Christmas cookies, featuring beloved characters such as Mickey Mouse, He-Man, Winnie the Pooh, Freddy Kruger, and many others. They even have a Cookie Monster bowl that sings “C is for Christmas Cookie,” which is sure to delight everyone in the family.

Unfortunately, the company is a cover to produce profits for director Uwe Boll’s movies. Obviously, he keeps making them anyway, but he’s never had a big budget…not until now. His plan: To make Postal 2 and release it to 9,000 theaters. Like the original, it will feature contempory and sophisticated political humor, inlcuding a scene in which Osama bin Laden farts loudly just before the Navy Seals take him out, an extended sequence in which Sarah Palin licks John McCaine’s balls, and another extended sequence in which Mitt Romney licks Rush Limbaugh’s balls. The movie will be released on Christmas Day.

However, all of that is just a cover for the company’s real motives: Once Uwe Boll has made Postal 2, he will use the money he’s made from that film to kidnap every critic in the nation and throw them into an arena. Then he will buy a pair of boxing gloves, and on live television, box with every one of his sworn enemies in front of the world. It will be a Pay-Per-View production, so it will make him rich.

But all of that is just a cover for Boll’s real goal: To buy the rights to the Star Wars Holiday Special and release it on Blu-Ray. George Lucas won’t want this, of course, but Uwe Boll will have so much money at this point that he will be able to actually buy Lucasfilm. He will then send the Star Wars Holiday Special to every home in America, forcing innocent families to sit through wookiees jerking off and Han Solo with a face that got run over by a monster truck. The special will also become mandatory viewing for death row inmates just before their executions.

But THAT is just a cover for the true mastermind behind the scheme: M. Night Shyamalan, who is using Uwe Boll as a way to distract people from how bad his most recent movies are. With the money made from the Yule Bowls, Postal 2, the Uwe Boll Vs. The World Televised Death Match, and the Star Wars Holiday Special on Blu-Ray with over 12 hours of extras, he will have enough cash to make The Last Airbender 2 AND The Last Airbender 3. We CANNOT let this happen. So, don’t buy Yule Bowls. Ever.
Adam

S.U.C.K.A.A; Suburban United Committee to Keep Animals Alive. A grassroots organization benefiting neglected animals. In actuality SUCKAA is Secret Urban Committee which Kills Amiable Aliens; an organization which works to keep our galaxy from peacefully co-existing.
http://www.facebook.com/brenton.brown.520 Brenton Brown

My company is Disney. I produce lovable childrens movies and have fun cartoony characters that families around the world would love. Behind closed doors, we are an evil corporation who gains control of movie stars and control their lives until they are no longer useful. Have you ever wondered why so many stars die young? They said no to Disney.
What can you do for Disney?
Dayne Sanders

My evil corporation is Unitology. We will corrupt you, make you give us all your money, write in our language, believe in death being the ultimate evolution by the markers and then commit mass murder and suicide
Brittney House

My is BD Financial. We say we invest your funds but we hack into your accounts and steal your money. lol
Gaye M

MarkCorp; we offer secure identification packets to protect all your belonging, but in reality we’re a multinational organization of thieves that are targeting your most valuable possessions for subtle home robberies.
susan smoaks

nwo is my evil company
http://www.facebook.com/people/Scott-Steiner/1449517092 Scott Steiner

“Bane” Capitol- We “save” failing businesses and rescue the economy. Only really what we mean by save is we actually fire everyone and outsource the jobs to India and China to make the business profitable, thus contributing to the mass unemployment in America, oh and we destroy cities like Gotham from the ground up.
The Platinum Patriot

We are Platinum Patriot Incorporated: Where specialty is our specialty. A media conglomorate promoting & poorly translating messages the world over. You ever wonder why when you think of Numa Numa, you never think the original artist? We took care of that.

Our other specialties include reimaging & relocation programs. Shadoloo is one of our most frequent clients. You ever wonder why no matter how many times Bison is defeated, no one can find his base after the first time? That’s where we come in, along with his dental plan. And the whole Vega domestic name change: all part of the plan.

We offer all these services & much more, because if we covered everything here, we probably would hear from the Geneva convention much sooner.

Incorporate your plans with Platinum Patriot Incorporated today.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000766788293 Sugisaki Allen

non-profit organization

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