5 Reboots/Remakes Worth The EffortPosted 11:34 am on Monday, September 24th, 2012 by Alex Rodriguez
It’s now a staple of the Hollywood film genre: Reboots. Now every year, we see butt-loads of rebooted franchises, TV Series, old eighties cartoons, (or any cartoons for that matter) and films that came out BARELY a decade ago whether we like it or not. But maybe there’s hope. Maybe, just maybe, Hollywood will see the error of their ways and begin releasing reboots that actually NEED to be made…aww who am I kidding? Hollywood loves money and will release any crappy, passionless project that comes their way if it will possibly create ANY sort of cash flow whatsoever (The Phantom Menace in 3D? Really? While you’re at it, let’s give Troll 2 the same treatment eh? That’ll rake in BILLIONS!). That aside, here’s a list of “reboots” that need to be made for the simple fact that…well…they haven’t been made…yet.
Fritz Lang’s Metropolis was first released in 1926 and to this day, though it is a silent film, is still GREAT! In case you’ve never seen it (and do yourself a favor, and check it out if you can!), it’s about a futuristic city supported by an under-appreciated workers town below it. The fragile balance between the two cities comes crashing down when a mad scientist needs to prove his genius to the upper city’s mayor by creating a renegade robot possessed by the soul of a beautiful woman named Maria.
One of cinema’s first and greatest robots, Maria, definitely needs a reboot. I mean, c’mon, who doesn’t love futuristic cities, mad scientists and renegade robots? Hollywood made a movie about the game Battleship that looks and sounds 85% Transformers, 14% Pearl Harbor and 1% originality…I think Metropolis could do much better. Not to mention, having seen the trailer for Cloud Atlas, we DEFINITELY have the technology to make Metropolis look as majestic and beautiful as it does in the original. THIS would be a proper reboot, remake, whatever you want to call it. Now for some other ideas such as…
I know, I know, this kinda goes back to the whole “movies rebooted in the same decade” scenario, but look…they desperately want to make a 4th one…but where can you go? Just about all the Decepticons were killed off and Shia Lebouf doesn’t want to do any more (although that’s not really a substantial reason to not make a sequel, but it would somewhat mess with continuity). I think the 3rd film ended pretty well and if you want to keep going, reboot it PROPERLY this time. Have the Autobots land on Earth in the Ark millions of years ago, let the Decepticons find the Ark, and scale an all-out battle once again…and introduce the damn DINOBOTS!!! Oh, and PLEASE make Bumblebee talk! None of that radio crap…mixing different radio personalities as a voice was pretty cheap. Don’t tease us with him talking at the end of the first movie and never let him do it again! That’s low! But now I’m ranting so…
Seriously, at one point in my life, I liked Matthew Broderick. But as Inspector Gadget?!? Really? That was just lazy. Let’s reboot this with a Doctor Claw THAT WE NEVER SEE.I want to see Penny and Brain and a NON-TALKING Gadgetmobile that actually looks like a Deloreon which transforms back and forth to a police car! Let’s have Chief Quimby show up at the most random of moments played by Danny Devito and get blown up by the self-destruct missions! Let’s have an evil scheme concocted by the evil master of M.A.D. carried out by Gadget’s other villains from the show…we can do without Corporal Capeman though… he was obnoxious…like Jar-Jar Binks…CURSE THE IRRITATING SIDEKICKS! Scooby Doo did it right at least with Scrappy.
SUPER MARIO BROS.
I know guys, I know…doesn’t seem feasible huh? Let’s face facts…the MUSHROOM KINGDOM isn’t feasible! King Koopa isn’t feasible! A plumber with a fantastic moustache who becomes super-powered by flowers, mushrooms and stars isn’t feasible…well…not without illegal drugs I would assume…but THAT’S what movies are about! Making the unfeasible…feasible! (Can you tell I like the word feasible? Well…I do.)
HERE WE GO! Mario and Luigi have a plumbing company they start. Their first job gets them sucked down a drain. They wake up in the Mushroom Kingdom where the hills have eyes (Get the reference?!?) and get thrown in King Koopa’s dungeon by Goomba’s and Koopa troopers…but NOT trench coat wearing mutants, I mean ROTTEN mushrooms and turtles! They get rescued from Toad and the other Mushroom people and they ask Mario and Luigi to save their beloved Princess Peach Toadstool from the evil King Koopa. They do it, defeat King Koopa, and save the day…then we have an after-credits scene where a Goomba comes and tells his boss that his brother has been killed…and his boss…BOWSER…gets pissed! Like the twist? There you go Hollywood…that’s a freebie on me.
MIGHTY MORPHIN’ POWER RANGERS
This…WOULD ROCK!!! I know, the original movie wasn’t TOO bad, but have you seen it lately?!? It, along with the TV series, are pretty dated. It’s very simple: Redo the first pilot episode, but in modern times and with teenagers with ACTUAL different personalities that don’t get along at first, or heck, they don’t even KNOW each other! Then they get teleported to the Command Center where we meet Zordon and a NOWHERE-NEAR-AS-ANNOYING-AS-THE-FIRST ALPHA 5. There, the teens are given the coins, don’t want them, find out they need them, use them to AWESOME results, and save Angel Grove. And that can be the first 20-30 minutes and introduce a slew of other monsters for the Rangers to fight as subplots within a bigger storyline. Then, in an after-credits scene, show Rita Repulsa giving the green ranger coin to Tommy…I just set up a really good sequel right there Hollywood! I just gave ya another one! C’mon guys! If I can come up with this stuff, there’s NO excuse!
Alex is deeply passionate about all things pop-culture including video games, comics, movies, etc. His geekiest love though, would have to be that for a certain 300-ft tall radioactive King of the Monsters…