RoboCop to be a transforming Al-Qaeda fighter? *Spoilers inside*Posted 8:31 pm on Wednesday, August 15th, 2012 by Narvin Seegoolam
When I first heard that RoboCop was being remade, I was somewhat excited. Then I saw the list of actors which include Samuel L. Jackson, Gary Oldman, Hugh Laurie and Jay Baruchel and was even more ecstatic. Obviously sometimes hype can be dangerous for a film and it seems it might be the case here. What am I talking about?
Film blogger Drew McWeeny over at HitFix.com got his hands on a copy of the script. The same script written by newcomer Joshua Zetumer and revised by Nick Schenk (Gran Torino). On Sunday, McWeeny took to his Twitter to rant about the script. Latino Review was kind enough to compile some of the highlights from the entire rant. If you want to check out everything McWeeny had to say about script, you can check it out here. Read below at your own risk. The movie is set to release on August 9, 2013.
I’ll share this one detail. In the film, when Murphy is turned into Robocop 1.0, it’s described “a high-tech version of the ’80s suit.”
Then they show a focus group scene where criminals laugh at the design. “He looks like a toy from the ’80s!”
So they redesign him to look “meaner” as Robocop 2.0, who passes focus group approval.
So they not only make sure to include the original design, they also point out it’s dated and stupid. *facepalm*
Hold onto your sides for more hilarious “Robocop” details. They outsource his construction to China. #seriously
And we meet the ED-209s in the field in Iran, where they’re used to subdue suicide bombers. #ineedallthedrinksnow
Ahhh… now they just dropped Robocop 3.0 onto an Al Queda training camp to see what he does.
“He should be programmed to incapacitate in all scenarios.” “Agreed. Let’s keep him PG-13, Dr. Norton.” No. No. No. No.
By page 54, they are already onto Robocop 4.0, who looks like a “cop on steroids painted metallic blue.”
Oh, god… oh dear god… Robocop is a Transformer. He goes from “social mode” to “combat mode” and back. Full transformation.
Write it down. Page 55, the “Robocop” remake beat me. I’m done. I can’t hurt more than this.
Someone shows Pope, head of the OCP project, some mock-ups for Robocop action figures. “Are you kidding? I wouldn’t buy that for a dollar!”
Okay… the two “best” lines in the script. First up is at the unveiling ceremony for Robocop in Detroit, from a TV reporter covering it.
“I think it’s safe to say that Alex Murphy is now part man, part machine, ALL COP!” Yes, I too remember the original poster, asshat.
Second, after the traumatic first meeting with his father, Alex’s son retreats to the apartment of Lewis, Murphy’s male partner.
The scene ends with the action line “David sits, catatonic, looks at the TV — MGM REMAKE TBD.”
I’ll say this: once the script stops all the winky-winky crap and just starts telling a story, it’s not terrible. But it’s way too late.
When this thing hits theaters, people are going to call up Len Wiseman’s “Total Recall” on the phone and apologize for being so mean.
Narvin’s middle name is FPS….ok maybe not, but he’s like BOOM!! HEADSHOT!! I’m hungry…